Posts Tagged ‘blog’

Where the Vile Things Hide

Posted: October 21, 2019 in Life, Personal
Tags: , ,

Unrest brews in my cup today. Life scares me to death. I am constantly harrowed by all the set of events that gradually arrays with bugles and trumpets winking at an announcement.

A hereafter that I can’t see, awaits. The very idea of a hazed and clogged future smothers me.

What’s written? Are things going to be alright? Am I having a mid-life crisis already?

I remember myself being stirred up and shaken once before in a similar fashion, wondering about a sea of dreams that I was supposed to wade through unfazed, but I had seen myself drowning.

I could barely sleep then. I had almost choked up when I had gulped down a bottle of cold water, barely understanding what it was, hyperventilating nevertheless, thoroughly consumed by apprehension.

What if I were to die today? What will happen to my dreams? There is so much to do. So many things wait for me, for their creator, to construct them to fruition. How can I afford rest?

I find myself in a similar place today. The patch I am in gradually tightens its grasp around my neck. This place is scary. The time, the age, the land, the context – all my anxieties kick in. All at the same time.

I have been screaming so loud, and for so long, not a soul has heard me yet. It kills me to know that. I fish for money to feed my dreams, but my pockets still remain empty.

What have I done so far? Have I mattered at all? Have I even moved?

All these outlets and vents are conspicuously visible. My escape, away from this blinding world I am in. But I am tied down by the things that I cannot see. Those things are the hardest to fight.

So I ring up hope with a glint of hope in my eyes, and she smiles. I think of holding her tight, lying down next to her, while she brushes through my hair. Her thin fingers kiss me with a silent promise that says –

Everything is going to be alright.

Maybe I need to hear that every now and then. Maybe I am still a child who knows no better.

Now, I can see more clearly as my anxiety slowly leaves my body. Life resumes its course.

I surmise, the order has been restored.

The Perpendicular Universe unfinished

Been a while, I haven’t penned anything on these leaves. I have been lost in the humdrum of the mundane. A job that sucks me in, and eats away my precious hours. Takes me away from the world of writing. But these special leaflets are always there. In the backdrop of my head. Silently calling me. Making me feel the void. Trying to make its presence felt. Then life manages to put me in front of the screen somehow, as if the croons of this blog get heard.

I wish to press these leaves with only the best. Maybe that’s what takes a lot of time. To only fill the easel with quality work. My brother had asked me to keep it as a wont, when I am in the right zone. To him it is one of my best collections hitherto, a magnum opus weaved with a keen wisdom. I intend to keep it that way. It lets me unspool myself, the real me, into validation. An introspection of sorts that might reflect the real me to a reader if there is one at all.

Today, I am squeezed into work so much that this blog stays hidden from me. I distribute myself to others, so much that I forget my own identity. But this right here, this, lets me appreciate myself. When I take a step back to look at it, I realize it is nothing but my mirror. It lets me behold the real me. It lets me fathom myself more. Words smeared on these blanks tell me that I am different. It lets me dig deeper into a head of a writer, a poet who is insanely in love with words, with a brain uplifted and a head that reeks of beautiful and sentient thoughts.

What is unfortunate is the fact that he barely has time to cover ‘em all. There is so much beauty yet to read, so many wonderful people yet to encounter, so many experiences yet to experience, so much land yet to cover, so much love yet to shower, so many unknown faces yet to scan, so many enthralling creations yet to marvel at, and there are so many gorgeous thoughts in his skull still embryonic, veiled, that can only unfurl with time. It’s a shame that it’s running out.