Posts Tagged ‘decision’

The perpendicular Universe choices

Life puts you in places. In situations you have no control over. In limelight at times, where your say would eventually wrap things up. In moments, when the world will wait for you. For your first step in a direction conceived in your head. For they have a walk in their legs too, but they are impatient to follow yours. Where you are the vanguard. You are the leader. Your word is the word.

At such an hour, you can’t afford to fumble. You just can’t freeze. It is at those junctures you look at the crowd in the dark, holding their breath, counting on you, and you wonder, “What if I mess it up?” What if I screw their lives?” The world depends on you. People look up to you. With so many piercing eyes of hope, you are bound to dwindle.

Take a deep breath and just dive. You don’t know where it will take you. You don’t know how deep it will push you, and you might fall and fall and fall. But remember it was all yours – The decision to take that plunge. So take responsibility, and steer things in the right direction.

You gotta do it. Take a shot! Unflinchingly. Stand true by the plan your head cooked up in the first place, and stick to it.

Don’t look back! Don’t ever regret! In the far off future, if you get a chance to introspect, don’t ever think about the other option. Don’t even spend a thought on the road you left intact. Just say: “That was it! And I took it.”

It is the right way to live, and abate dispensable worries. You see, things like regrets always pull you down. They have hooks that are forever attached to you. With every decision you make, your fidgeting gives birth to another. As you move forward it will only slow you down. You will be compelled to wade with all your might, and it will be hard to make it, with all the weight pulling you down.

Forget options like they were ever there and you might end up loving yourself even more.

My words are precious. I don’t wish to waste my words on someone I am willing to forget.

That being said, I wouldn’t bring people who don’t matter to me into the picture ever. (Like I ever did……wait, what? I would do that subtly many times but I wouldn’t pin point them, right? right?)

I would love to do an introspection every now and then. It would help me realize what changes I went through over a span. Today when I peruse myself carefully, I am stupefied to find out the result. I am a changed man. I have changed horribly, to the extent that I don’t recognize myself anymore.

Few days ago, I was blunt, carefree and awesome. Now I hate myself. People hate me for what I have become and it is all justified. I wish I could change that. I have been roped into an image I used to abominate.

I had self-respect. Now I have none. Nowadays I take it. Earlier I had this ‘Fuck-the-World’ attitude. Now I have become less reckless. I have started caring for people more. I don’t want that though. It binds me in a cuff and smothers me every minute.

Sometimes people do that to you. Sometimes circumstances. My case isn’t the latter. I have been manipulated by my brain gazillions of times. My heart supplements that bastard. I comply like a robot even if there is one percent chance of a happy ending. I relate to Ted Mosby, of How I Met your Mother, a lot in that department. In the process, I have hurt myself a thousand times.

I would always end up trying to satiate my heart. I am so delicate in that area. It seems I have a hole there, waiting to be filled by a serum only my other half retains. The pain is so acute, that it makes me desperate for the real ‘her’. In acts of desperation, I end up making formidable moves and taking wrong decisions.

The reason I allow myself to be manipulated is exactly what this maxim paints – “Things you do for love“. Then again, I realize, and I am well aware of, my reluctance to hurt a living thing. I could be blunt, arrogant and carefree once again. But the question is, at what cost?

I appreciate things around me. I concentrate on the good. I overlook patches. This helps me perceive beauty in everything. I would rather be happy with a glass half full than waste my time sulking about its emptiness. The precise reason why I fall in love with good qualities and overlook bitterness. But unfortunately people take my love as my weakness and exploit me like a slave, whilst I obey considering them my masters. Upsetting them would mean losing them. I don’t like that. I wouldn’t want that. But if I don’t, then I wouldn’t be free.

I have to take a stand now. I have to take chances. I have to trust my guts and do what is best for me. For once, I have to be selfish. If I don’t, I would be taken for granted.

I have downgraded myself so much today that I have to look up from this pit, I am in. I wish, for once I shut down my emotional warehouse and take flat decisions. Decisions that are going to hurt people, and me of course, yet effective enough to save lives in the process.

I am way over my past. I am glad about that. Yet I haven’t forgotten her completely. I wouldn’t want her to fade ever. I am well aware that we are together somewhere in a parallel universe. That feeling is beautiful. Those special moments we spent together in this life, I lived all of ‘that’, just like she did, and I am a proud owner of my memories. No one can change that. Not even you, my readers! Your trial would be my denial.

Some might say, I am in love with the idea of love as Karen, Hank Moody’s wife in Californication quoted. Even I would feel helpless explaining that, just like Hank felt, to a person who doesn’t comprehend love at all. I am glad I have been blessed with the ability to sense, feel and love. It escalates me to a level, safe and sound, and of course, well above the ’emotionless’.