Posts Tagged ‘dream’

The Perpendicular Universe The Cubicle

I dream for an open field. There is a wild run in me. But there is no ground to tramp on. I don’t see it. Even if it is there, I am blind to it.

My life is a cubicle. It begins in walls and ends right there. I am bound by the charms of the green. But I wish it was a meadow, and that I was free to gallop wild. Free to dart my way to search the end of it.

Every day begins with me trying to adjust my fading eyes to a computer screen. I am locked. I am compelled to. There is no escape from the life I have chosen. If there is, then maybe I am blind to that too. Or pretending that I can’t see, because I have a sea of responsibilities to swim into. Or make a living out of this dead.

Day in and day out I follow the same ritual of turning the office desktop on, checking my mails for updates, attending meetings to show the ground I have covered, having lunch when I am not hungry, making small talks that are pointless and will be forgotten, working like a workhorse to make people in the other corner of the world happy, living a misery to help build someone something I don’t give a shit about, slaying the universe’s most useful gem – time just so that everything moves on and I age to perish one day, and then repeating the whole cycle again because there is no end to this.

What I live is misery. This is someone else’s dream. I am the tiniest mote to him. It wouldn’t matter to anyone if I fall one day. They will have someone to replace my body. Because my mind doesn’t reach anywhere. It is being forced to run in a mill, where churning thoughts is a curse and of no use to anyone.

I can feel the force of this psychotic world pulling me down. This isn’t gravity, No! This is the worst. It keeps on pulling you, one piece at a time, till there is nothing left. If you had a dream it would make sure you lose your mind. It would subject you to so much pressure that you would forget life is supposed to be easy. It would swallow you in its jaded shenanigans that you would not remember what real fun is supposed to be like. It would drown you into its silent waters, take you deep down to hell, and you would never know if there was supposed to be a heaven too.

I just wish there was no one that pulled my strings. That I create something because I feel like building. That I eat because I feel hungry. That I dance because I feel like dancing. That I look at a screen because I wish to surf and have fun. That I check my mails to see another world. That I play because I feel like having a blast. That I have talks that numb minds and emanate something useful every time I do. That I pamper myself because I deserve it.

But alas! I am stuck in a cubicle. My life is it.

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I wish to pen you down. My words always find you, just like my thoughts. I can spend days just thinking, such thoughts of beauty, romance and excellence. They get lost when they don’t find a piece of paper. But you cannot be put on a piece of paper. You are infinite. I cannot confine your wonders.

Sometimes I ponder – Should I be ashamed to write you? Should I wonder who is going to read me? Should I really care about the world? I haven’t really given it a thought. But if I don’t mention you, then my leaflets would dry up, because you are important.

You know that I have fallen for you. Not because I am feeble, but because you are strong. Your essence surprises me. Your eyes draw me. Your voice is like music. Your lips play my favorite songs all the time.

I remember an excerpt from my own oeuvre:

You are the story of my life.

I will pen you with sparkling colors.

You don’t have a name yet. Or may be I don’t like naming you. You are in my dreams already. You are playing with me in that dimension. I can see that. The guy in the mirror is happy and I am happy for him.

But every story is tragic. If there are no stones, I am not walking on the right path. Right? I have got rocks rolling. I am there, yet I am not there. My rivals keep hitting me, and I keep falling to the ground. I simply defend. I don’t take a stand. I don’t have a reason to throw a punch. I don’t know my enemy. I don’t know whom to fight. You haven’t given me a reason to.

I can fight anyone, if you are by my side. But you stand in the center with unsure steps written all over you.

I see the wall, the invisible one. That is the only thing that stops me from you. I can knock it down. But you like it all strong and sturdy. So I keep mum.

Still I will jot you down every now and then. Not because I have to, but because I want to. You make me want to write. You force my thoughts to flow. You put them to words. I am glad that you do, coz writing is something I can’t part with.

I am grateful that you happened because your mere presence gave me thoughts and words. Your existence… your existence simply carves out the better writer in me.

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I ended up watching an awesome episode of ‘How the universe works‘ on Discovery Science yesterday. (Don’t judge me just yet! I was only flipping by) There were a bunch of astronomers trying to explain things, we don’t comprehend. (Hasn’t it always been like that?) They would try to simulate scenarios picked up by their droid in space, here on earth, of course, with caution. They seemed like really important people, doing some serious stuff. I must say, I was fascinated beyond limit.

Something about ‘the accidental occurrence of water, due to collision with distant asteroids, causing life to flourish’, was the gist of their discussion and it certainly did dilate my eyes. Eventually while giving closure  the narrator raised a series of unanswered questions, that would forever pound us in the head.

Is there any other planet out there, just like Earth, a planet that retains fitting amount of water and atmosphere enough to sustain life? If earth was created by chance, due to the collision of watery asteroids (that explains water occurrence) and ember-rock caused by sun (that explains the rocky surface) and a proper orbital placement, what are the odds of another Earth, getting created in a similar fashion?

When we give a sneak-peek to the rest of the planets of our solar system, we realize that we are located at an apposite distance from a star, capable enough to obtain enough heat and light to sustain life. Appending to that is Earth’s magnetic field that deflects harmful solar winds coming straight from the unforgiving star. Then there is the ozone layer acting as an aegis. It doesn’t look like chance at all. But the big question that permeates here is, if there is someone supreme, how did ‘His world’ came into existence?

There are zillions of planets out there revolving around gazillions of stars. The possibility of another life form lies in billions of such planets. How great would it be to encounter people from another planet! What if they turn out to be even dumber than we are? What if they are really cool? Do we really visit their world when we dream? Whoa that’s a new one! Yeah, I ponder off sometimes.

I am glad we are able to scale new horizons. People are willing to look for answers. They have the zeal to do so. The zest to end a loop with a reply. With our ability to go inquisitive, we have always groped for answers in the dark. With sci-fi movies, novels, illustrations, comics and thoughts we have always tried to move a step closer towards the unknown and someone or something has permitted it altogether. A great example is the flick Prometheus which managed to prod us deep. It made us think. We would never really rest until our reasoning contents our curiosity.

I feel grateful to be a part of this earth and would always be grateful for it for the rest of my life, as meaning it imparted to my dead life. Easy there, Homer!

We don’t bother sometimes because we are engrossed in our mundane life. We like it here. Cool. Calm. No worries of what’s yonder. But like a great man once said:

You didn’t raise the question. So I didn’t bother look!

Well that great man is me. Oops. Busted.

The show was strangely magnetic. I ended up with goose bumps after watching their awesome CGI work. What Saturn and Jupiter consisted of in reality and what caused Saturn to don its ring on the hip instead of its ring finger, were depicted magnificently.  What elated me more were the assertions made by these guys. They are the ‘Zens’ in real life. They would never stop looking. They would always end up with answers. As the show reached its eventuality, they affirmed and reassured us remarking, mankind would definitely find that other planet, somewhere in the future.

I guess then we would have a neighbor, whom we would bother all the time.  😛

I’ve seen you so many times now. I am losing track. Your memories are getting stronger. Instead of getting hazy, they are going conspicuous. Very unusual but I’ve forgotten everything bad about you now. Love does that to you, I guess.

Yesterday I had a dream. I am not sure why. But I saw you once again. All this time, I had stopped thinking about you. You would be there, but I would overlook. I would see all those other things in my life that would bring smile to my face. I would try my best to eschew you or any of your thought that would cause a chemical imbalance in my head. But the dream happened, as if happening in a parallel universe in reality. It being a different universe altogether, I am not sure I remember much. But I do remember one thing for sure. It was you.

Here’s what I dreamt: (an excerpt from my personal diary of dreams, Yeah! not real)

I was busy chatting with my friends and having fun, when out of the blue she appeared from mist and stood next to me. Just like Mal in Inception, she appeared like a strong memory. I can still remember her face woeful with miserable written all over it. Strange but I’ve always pictured her that way. I’ve never had a dream wherein I’ve seen her smiling or even happy. She looked really sad. She pointed, “You forgot me na!” and with a pang in my heart I realized within seconds that it was true. For a couple of months I haven’t had a single thought of her. Not a single dream about her. I had finally surmounted my heart until, of course, now. How did she find her way to me? I thought, “I had really forgotten her for a while.” I felt this sudden urge, a strange urge to apologize to her and to set things right again. She started to wither then. Like dreams are meant to be. Unpredictable. I tried calling her. She picked up but she was still adamant, like she was six years ago, in that coffee place. She kept on giving assertions, “You’ve forgotten me. Yes! You have!” I was speechless, once again, choking. I kept saying to her, “Listen to me. Listen to me at least!” and the phone died.

I woke up. I tried to forget what I saw. I carried out my routine, just like any other jaded day. It was only in the afternoon when I saw you once again, your picture on the famous social networking site. Smiling in one of them. Weary in another. The weary one got me strangely attracted. I got this sudden urge to pick you up in my arms, you cuddling towards safety finding your way in my bosom and me saying, “My baby! Come here and get some sleep.”

I couldn’t help but click on your pictures. Something I barred my heart from doing all these years, because I know my heart is weak. It succumbs to you every now and then. I went through all of them. My mind would, meanwhile, talk to me sanely like, “Why are you doing this?” and my heart would confront it, “I don’t care. I am just so human!” My hands were involuntary. They kept on flipping every page. I let go those tears I was never fond of keeping.

Life is a tragedy. No matter how happy you are. I always thought of myself as a happy guy. But these thoughts of you, make me feel otherwise. I get a feeling, that I would never, ever be really happy without you by my side.

You are like a drug to me and I am addicted. Yet you or not dead and I am not really alive.