Posts Tagged ‘past’

useless items

I can’t forget one particular day in my life. A chapter in my leaflet that made me immensely gloomy when I was quite young. This was way before I was introduced to the concept of love. It holds a special place in my heart because it belonged to that era wherein I was learning how to enjoy my words. Life was nothing but a proving ground for me.

It was a letter competition with a hazy date. So hazy that I was convinced our submissions were supposed to happen before 24th September when in reality, what the announcer meant was 23rd instead.

Days spent in brooding, scribbling, re-writing again, creating words that were next to magic. It was the beginning of the change in my head. Words were finally making more sense to me. My hunt for appreciation, nay, love was true. It was trying to express itself in its purest form. I had seen a rare spark of talent in my pen somehow. I knew it was a proper hammering of a dream that was to pan out a sculpture of me on the anvil of destiny.  All I needed was a nod. Just a mere nod. Someone or something prizing me with these words:

“You are something in our whole lot of nothing.”

Until the day in my head finally arrived.

With all that sweat and all that dreams in my eyes, I scoured like a madman for the teacher who had asked for submissions. It was a big school; nobody was spared from getting lost. But my resolve couldn’t be shaken. I went from class to class looking for her, all her possible frequented areas, all her probable inclinations. Amidst my search, two pages of diligence dangled between my hands. Those leaves were as excited as I was.

When I finally got hold of her on a wretched staircase, I gave her the biggest smile my face could ever register, handing over my baby in her hands.

She was quick to respond,

“But the last date is over. You are a day late.”

And I could only manage:

Weren’t we supposed to hand it over before 24th?

Her blank eyes that were well clouded by a thick layer of her spectacles failed to recognize the zeal in mine. She was as blunt as I picture her right now. She responded coldly.

Yes, on 23rd. Before 24th means 23rd. You should have come yesterday.

I apologized for being stupid with a sinking heart. As she went on to meet a waiting class, I stood there looking at my papers. If she had just read it, if I could have convinced her to read it once, maybe she would have changed her mind. I was a stranger to her. Strangers get hurt without the other realizing it. I was tempted to shout:

You haven’t lived in my shoes. You don’t know me the way I do. Maybe if you had, it would have affected your decision to see how bad I had worked on my letter.

I went to my class utterly disappointed at myself, at the teacher for being so crude, and at my hard luck. I couldn’t stop myself from going on and on about it for a day or two in front of my mother, my brother and some of those friends who really listened when I talked. Later I came to realize someone from my class won that competition and he with a smug face came to point it out to me.

For a couple of days, it sat there on my table, that letter I had written. It looked at me with an uncertain fate. It had connected to me on a level, no one ever could. It knew all about a dream that went inside the head of a child while it was penned. It was well aware of the despair too when that dream couldn’t manage an approval.

Until one day it chose to get lost amongst countless papers of the past.

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So I came across an excellent movie the other day. Can’t believe I had missed it for so long. The concept just blew me away.

The flick titled ‘Another Earth’ directed by Mike Cahill saw one of the most creative artist-cum-writers Brit Marling in its lead. She plays a girl with a terrible past, trying really hard for forgiveness, except her repentance is incessantly screwing things up. Okay so, I would try to avoid spoilers for the sake of movie-buffs.

The event that happens at the very beginning of the flick is so sad and tragic, that it is impossible for her to get it out of her system. She keeps thinking about it every single day. The pain is so depressing, and quite apparent on her countenance, it instantly makes you empathize with her. It is as if she has lost her purpose in the mundane. She is so bent on undoing what has occurred that she is willing to do anything. The irony lies in the fact that there is an opportunity right there, staring down at her from a distance, in the form of another Earth.

The beautiful planet which resembles Earth in every aspect is forever there in the movie, making people wonder a lot of ifs and whats. People in the movie call it Earth 2. It piques the interest of Brit owing to those possibilities and what-ifs she has been beating herself about. It could be another dimension. It could be another possibility of her life’s events.

So, basically there are two stories running simultaneously. Both interrelated because of the tragic event that compels Brit to behold Earth 2 as a chance to absolve herself. She plays her character so subtly that it makes you read all those thoughts that are running through her head at every moment, throughout the flick.

There are some brilliant quotes in the movie that make you ponder.

Within our lifetimes, we’ve marveled as biologists have managed to look at ever smaller and smaller things. And astronomers have looked further and further into the dark night sky, back in time and out in space. But maybe the most mysterious of all is neither the small nor the large: it’s us, up close. Could we even recognize ourselves, and if we did, would we know ourselves? What would we say to ourselves? What would we learn from ourselves? What would we really like to see if we could stand outside ourselves and look at us?

The moment when everyone finds out the planet is an exact mirror image of our Earth fills your head with bazillion questions. (So long spoilers!) What would probably blow your mind is the fact that there is an exact ‘you’ who was born, where you were born, who has lived, where you have lived and who might be wondering the exact same questions on finding out about you. Nobody knows the answers to what lies yonder. Yet everybody is curious for answers because everyone is living stories they would want to live differently.

Just when you are about to feel Brit’s penitence is falling into place, the movie ends at a surreal juncture. The climax makes you wonder. You would end up with so many questions and probably with solutions too.

The most important thing is that the flick makes you brood over the quintessential question:  What if you come across yourself one day? What would you say to yourself? Won’t you just go running down on yourself and hug yourself first, and say ‘you love you’? (Just throwing it out there…go easy on yourself!)