Posts Tagged ‘pointless’

The Perpendicular Universe The Cubicle

I dream for an open field. There is a wild run in me. But there is no ground to tramp on. I don’t see it. Even if it is there, I am blind to it.

My life is a cubicle. It begins in walls and ends right there. I am bound by the charms of the green. But I wish it was a meadow, and that I was free to gallop wild. Free to dart my way to search the end of it.

Every day begins with me trying to adjust my fading eyes to a computer screen. I am locked. I am compelled to. There is no escape from the life I have chosen. If there is, then maybe I am blind to that too. Or pretending that I can’t see, because I have a sea of responsibilities to swim into. Or make a living out of this dead.

Day in and day out I follow the same ritual of turning the office desktop on, checking my mails for updates, attending meetings to show the ground I have covered, having lunch when I am not hungry, making small talks that are pointless and will be forgotten, working like a workhorse to make people in the other corner of the world happy, living a misery to help build someone something I don’t give a shit about, slaying the universe’s most useful gem – time just so that everything moves on and I age to perish one day, and then repeating the whole cycle again because there is no end to this.

What I live is misery. This is someone else’s dream. I am the tiniest mote to him. It wouldn’t matter to anyone if I fall one day. They will have someone to replace my body. Because my mind doesn’t reach anywhere. It is being forced to run in a mill, where churning thoughts is a curse and of no use to anyone.

I can feel the force of this psychotic world pulling me down. This isn’t gravity, No! This is the worst. It keeps on pulling you, one piece at a time, till there is nothing left. If you had a dream it would make sure you lose your mind. It would subject you to so much pressure that you would forget life is supposed to be easy. It would swallow you in its jaded shenanigans that you would not remember what real fun is supposed to be like. It would drown you into its silent waters, take you deep down to hell, and you would never know if there was supposed to be a heaven too.

I just wish there was no one that pulled my strings. That I create something because I feel like building. That I eat because I feel hungry. That I dance because I feel like dancing. That I look at a screen because I wish to surf and have fun. That I check my mails to see another world. That I play because I feel like having a blast. That I have talks that numb minds and emanate something useful every time I do. That I pamper myself because I deserve it.

But alas! I am stuck in a cubicle. My life is it.

Advertisements

pointless

Often found myself, stuck, staring at meaningless images and pointless propaganda that my screen throws at me. Times when I am not around people, not having fun, and smothering myself with tasks that show no direction, I wonder what compelled me to do it in the first place. Zeroing in on to figurative, a bigger picture strays ahead that expunges the obvious.

Why are we doing this? What are we to achieve?

Our every act is directed towards nothingness, just another void where everything fades to incoherence. Makes me wonder we are just getting by. We are waiting for it to get over one day. If at the end of the tunnel, did we stop and look back for introspection, we would be surprised to find out, that all we ever did was breathe and survive. Created mundane, lived mundane, for the mundane. What did we really do?

You see our lives, our paths, have been defined by people all around us. Each road, each street, we traverse, our choices, drenched with decisions laid out by another earthly meaningless soul walking amongst us. That mortal has thrown a certain way in front of our eyes, and unfortunately our legs aren’t ears. They don’t listen. They don’t reason. They just walk.

No better way to put it than Leo Tolstoy:

The only absolute knowledge attainable by man is that life is meaningless.

The moment we saw the light for the first time, we became puppets. People who introduced us to the world taught us roads they have been following. Our judgments permeated in their perspective. From dropping a deuce, to combing our hair, from brushing our teeth to taking a bath, every act tainting of ‘a way’, we are supposed to blindly pursue. We go to school. We try to learn things, we don’t comprehend. We spend years to do that. All that precious time, just following something, since we didn’t really have a purpose then! We just have to, in simpler words, survive. We were too dumb to be able to sustain an era, or too immature to understand life – so the experts say. Well, we still don’t, do we?

We are walking on lines, our society drew. Do we have a goal? Are we supposed to just survive? Is that all?

We are only trying to earn a living. If there is nothing more to life than the intent to survive, why do we even bother? All we have to do is eat, sleep and repeat! Some say – we should give back. If we are to give the world something, let’s say an invention, why do they need it at all, and what for? So that they can live easily? Why is survival the penultimate truth?

What is the point of societal conventions then? Would it really matter if we ran destitute or died rich? Would it matter if we were caught in a perennial gloom or a sustained elation then? Would it matter if we lived our lives with or without regrets?

If we repeat a day, every act in it, inadvertently, who is to say that we lived wrong? Didn’t we just, I don’t know, survive another day? Besides who is to judge? What makes our creator a judge? Did you give us a purpose to live? Then how do you get to decide what we do is right or not? Then again, we didn’t ask for this!

We are simply sentient entities thrown into this planet to breathe.A small brain to delegate our creator’s work unconsciously. We are self-aware robots with lots of questions but with only human reasoning to overwhelm our doubts.

This life is a limbo. We must have been in a better place before. Now we are just living a lie, without a purpose, without a point with just a half-hearted wish to coexist, mostly following blind guys who claim to see.