Posts Tagged ‘reader’

 

crazy hopeless reader
Paper listens to me. Talks that never make to fruition, that don’t find an ear, they all lodge in there. So many things that keep hogging my little space of creation, they all end up there. Words that don’t find a good eye, voices that don’t reach a soul, only resound empty in the innate hollows, they all get inked. The meaningful. The meaningless. The general whimsy. The occasional flimsy. Everything goes there.

Sometimes I wonder if I would ever find a reader, or if I have already, will I ever have a glimpse into the world of my sentient admirer, the one who can distinguish each syllable spoken, every letter written distinctively and approve of it to be a magical blend of the extraordinaire. That lover who would hold the genius that lurks in it to a complacent caring heart, and speak volume just like I do with mind-boggling creations of others. Then I am hit by a sudden splash of vexation.

“What if I am not good enough? What if my words weave a mask over my own face to cloud the judgment I give? What if everything that I see is just a lie, and the world really doesn’t give a shit? What if in their menial dictum they have been right all the time? That their crossing me out the millions of times I rose was some sort of poetic justice intended? That what I see is just a feigned globe, and that what they gawk at is aloof from virtual? That I have been wrong all my life? That the beauty I considered beauty was as ugly as a negative vibe? That I shouldn’t have been a dreamer, rather a realist lost in the mundane like a crowd in its din.”

It bothers me sometimes, when I don’t see what others compel me to see. It hurts to know that I am all alone in a world full of people, that it is rare to find a frequency that would walk right by my side. Pretentious heads nauseate me. Lost faces don’t bother me at all. The deficiency of a real connection does. That thread that I have been trying to untangle for so long, I am yet to find its end.

I can’t be like others. I can’t be a shallow prick. If I love, I plunge into the ocean drowning. If I care, I forget myself. If I work, I am conscientious. If I notice, I focus painstakingly at every miniscule detail one is made with. If I live, I refuse to be a bystander rather a meticulous observer to fathom you in a way you have never been. That’s how I have always been. A crazy hopeless reader.

You can put me off as a profound thinker. But I am a poet. That’s how I roll.

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We tend to ‘ponder’ when we are alone. When we are in company, we revel. We live in the moment, for the moment and barely keep track of our thoughts. We are just human beings incapable of multitasking. Oh! we do multitask, but our results vary. We don’t always succeed when we do two or more things simultaneously. If you do, you are a superhuman. Embrace yourself. Give yourself a hug. Just a hug. Stop touching yourself!

Once a great man advised me not to put my legs in two boats and oar. Frankly, I don’t remember him. But I do remember his quotes, precisely because I ended up falling in the water so many times after that, that I have lost track now. Life taught me the lesson which I dreaded. I never followed his advice in reality, and whenever I overlooked, I ended up all wet. I became a Jack of all. Whoa! that sounded weird.

Multitasking doesn’t pay you well. The concept hardly fails in computing. But in real life, our mind is good at focusing one thing at a time. I just made this up while penning this down:

Whilst I stared at you to paint,

My brush worn off.

Whilst I took out another,

You were gone!

We can’t really concentrate on two jobs simultaneously, can we? No, not defined in our dictionary. When I say that, I hope you are not picturing something as petty as whistling and writing at the same time. The truth is, if you give your 100% to a job, nothing can stop it from falling into your favor-bag. Think about all those debacles you encountered in your sojourn! Now ask yourself – did you really give your 100% in all of them? No? Told ya. If yes, then you surely are a pretty fu*d up creature.

Some are built for it (weirdos), some are really up for it (brave? my ass!), some take it one at a time, like a normal person, piling up their work and getting smothered eventually, while some don’t do anything at all. Yeah I am talking to you, you reader!